Printer
Friendly page - click here
“Honey, I Blew Up at the Kids”
Admitting Failure |
|
by Erin Brown Conroy, M.A. © 2003
“I blew it. I’m sorry.” These
words are some of the hardest words in the English language to say.
Mistakes. Failure. Unhealthy responses. Poor behavior. Most of the time, our hearts know
what is “right,” and our inmost desire
is to respond to our child in loving, kind ways. Unfortunately, as
parents – and human beings – we’ll never be perfect.
Even though we’d like to act and say all of the wonderful “parent
things” that we know are the “best,” we just won’t.
We’re prone to fail.
So what happens when we do “blow it”? When we’ve
said something unkind, yelled in anger, turned our back and ignored
a situation where we should have intervened, or just plain said the
hurtful thing – What do we do?
Admit Failure
It takes a “big” person to humbly realize when we’ve
failed. It takes a bigger person to change our heart, our inner thoughts,
and our feelings, to a place where we are experiencing sorrow and recognizing
the need to “make things right.” It means letting go of
my “right” to hold anger or pride, dropping self-defenses,
and putting myself in a place of vulnerability called “humility.” Humility
allows us to see the wrong, admit the error, and then do something about it.
If I admit failure, I’m not saying I’m a “bad parent.” I’m
simply recognizing that I’ve done something that – either
knowingly or unknowingly – hurt my child. I’m recognizing
that I need to take steps, either in my words or my actions, to repair the damage.
We then take action to change our attitude and our approach
to our child to one of gentleness, humility, and positive kindness.
|
Change
Anyone can say the words “I’m sorry.” It
takes a special something to go beyond the words and feelings to actually changing a behavior.
From the time when my children were small, I’ve always told them
that “sorry means change.” If we’re truly sorry, it impacts us deeply
on the inside. If we’re impacted deeply on the inside, we’ll make a change in our
behavior in the future.
Change is not easy. We’re creatures of habit, pattern, and comfortableness, even if
what we’re hanging onto isn’t in the category of healthy behavior. In order to
take an old action or habit and create a new one, we need to have a new resource to dig into
for raw material for the change. We need to put a positive in the place of a negative.
New Information
For most of us, that means putting
new information into our lives. Through reading,
video or audio programs, or conversation with others,
we need
new material to draw from. We need examples
to follow, mentors to watch and learn from, and
other families to interact with and learn healthy
responses from.
Change just won’t happen on its own. We need to replace the old
with new.
|
Accountability
Accountability means that someone is there for
me to help me make the changes that I need to make. It means someone will talk to me on
a regular basis, checking in with how the process
of change is going. It means that I know that
someone cares enough about my succeeding that
they’ll ask hard questions of me, checking
regularly with me as to whether or not I’m
following my plans for change. Whether it’s
a spouse, friend, relative, or professional
counselor that holds me accountable for my
change doesn’t matter. What matters is
that I know someone is there for me to cheer
me on when I succeed and help me to take steps
forward again when I fail.
“Every Day is a New Day”
I have a good friend who
went through some extremely tough times about
seven years ago. Left as a single parent of his young son,
dealing emotionally with unfaithfulness and abandonment in his
crumbled marriage, I could count on the same
greeting each and every time I met up with
him. “How are you doing? How’s
the day going?” I’d ask. He’d
reply with a reflective grin, “Every
day is a new day!” What a life lesson in that simple phrase.
Years ago, I heard it put this way: “This
is a new now.” Each day, each hour, each
minute is new from the one before it. And with
that newness comes new opportunity, a new chance
to begin again. A new moment for change.
Admitting failure takes us to a fresh point of a new beginning. It allows
us to change, grow, and become the parent we want to be. Admitting
failure isn’t the feeling of sitting at the bottom of the well.
It’s the feeling of looking up into the clear blue sky above and
climbing out.
|
Erin Brown
Conroy, M.A., expert author and speaker regarding education
and child development, has worked with families
in education and counseling for 30 years. A parenting
columnist for Great Lakes Family Magazine and
frequent guest on radio talk shows, Erin teaches
part-time at Cornerstone University and resides
in Michigan with her husband and 12 children.
For more practical ideas for great parenting,
for information on Erin’s book, 20
Secrets to Success with Your Child (Copyright 2003, Celtic
Cross Publishing), or to contact Erin, visit
www.ParentingWithSuccess.com.
|
Scripture taken
from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.Copyright © 1973,
1978, 1984 International Bible Society. All rights
reserved throughout the world. Used by permission
of International Bible Society.
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered
trademarks of International Bible Society. Use of either trademark
for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written
consent of International Bible Society.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright ©1996. Used by permission
of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189, USA.
All rights reserved.
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
You'll also receive Practical
Biblical Solutions for life's challenges with our
free e-zine
|
| |
 |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
PROVERBS
16:23-24
|
|
|
"A
wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips
promote instruction.
Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. "
|
|
(NIV)
|
|
|
| |
|
|
Recommended
Reading
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
 |
