Printer
Friendly page - click here
Letting Go With Grace |
|
Article by Tom Gilbert — June, 2006
I held my mother’s hand, gently stroked her
arm and leaned close to her ear. “Hi, Mom, it’s Tom. I’m
here.”
Her eyes were closed but a slight change came
over her face. She lightly squeezed my arm and instantly I felt some
peace. Mom was nearing death, but she knew I was there. “Annette,
Kristen and Eric are here, too.” Her eyes were closed, but there
was a slight smile.
Pancreatic cancer spreads rapidly. Mother had
been diagnosed just three months prior and there were no treatment options.
She’d been scheduled for surgery but when that day came the doctors
found that the cancer had moved into other areas of her body. At 75 and
thirty-three years after a near death experience Mom didn’t want
to go through chemotherapy or treatment that might prolong her already
full life a few more months. She was ready and accepting of her imminent
death. Her faith – like the Rock of Gibraltar – gave her
assurance that she was about to go forth into a light, a love and an
eternal peace. She was eagerly looking forward to the embrace of Jesus. “It’s
just like stepping into the next room” she’d often told close
friends.
|
It Comes to
Us All
Death comes
to us all. It’s as inevitable as our beginning
birth. In fact, it is just another birth process.
We know this intellectually, yet when faced with
it we must learn to let go with more than our
mind. Our hearts are broken and the loss we feel
when a loved one dies is real. It should not
be denied, although denial is part of our processing
of the death experience. Mom was ready, she’d
been ready for some time, and she was letting
go.
One of the greatest gifts anyone can give my mother
was expressing to all of us as she lay dying. Don’t
be afraid. I love you so much. Love one another. Mom, even in her intense suffering, was a willing
instrument of the Father’s message brought
to us by His dear son, the Lord Jesus Christ.
If you find you are separated by distance from
family, whether geographic miles or the painful
separation of resentment, bitterness or anger,
it can be resolved. I’m grateful that over
the past ten years my mother and I enjoyed a rich
and wonderful relationship. Although she lived
in Kansas City with my Dad and me in Albuquerque
with my family we still visited by phone and through
her wonderful cards and letters. I still get a
chuckle from the many times she’d apologize
for not writing often enough. No, she wrote plenty
often, far more than I did, and always with such
tenderness and honesty.
My brother Doug lives in Virginia with his wife,
Susan, and dear four year old son, Joshua. They
blessed me with the honor and responsibility of
being his godfather. Doug, just a year and a half
younger than me, has lived an extraordinary life,
including time as a missionary in Africa. He knew
the importance of going to see Mom and did what
he had to do to leave work and fly out. He drove
the point home to me to also come out, however
possible. Thanks to the great kindness of my wife’s
parents we made the long drive from Albuquerque
in their car with financial support from them,
too.
My sister Leslie, God bless her, lives just down
the street from my parents in Kansas City and her
dear family have been a source of joy to my mom
and dad. Yes, even through the growing pains that
Shea and Kelsey have experienced in teenage years
and young adulthood. Leslie, firstborn of the three
children in our family, could regularly go to Mom
for advice, support and fellowship. She lost a
husband, Rob, to leukemia years ago and Mom was
there during Rob’s final days to minister
in her quiet, strong way. Now Leslie has a great
second husband, Kipp, whose strength is humor and
understanding.
Nobody's Perfect
Nobody’s family is perfect, just as no one
person is perfect. We’ve all had our ups
and downs. I gave my mother a few gray hairs. In
return she gave me discipline coupled with love
and direction. In many ways I considered her my “unofficial” spiritual
director, especially in recent years. She had the
knack for sending me just the right book at just
the right time. What a gift that she introduced
me to the insight of Thomas Merton, Richard Rohr,
Julian of Norwich, Thomas Keating, Kahlil Gibran
and several other great spiritual seekers. I know
she didn’t discover them on her own. Other
friends and mentors pointed her to them and she
was paying it forward.
I was fortunate enough to visit my mom in May,
over Mother’s Day weekend. Even though her
cancer had weakened her considerably we were still
able to talk and share. I struggled a bit over
whether to reveal an experience I’d had not
long before, but the Spirit kept prompting me and
on Mother’s Day morning I was able to relate
my “vision”, for lack of a better word,
that came to me one morning while running. I’d
been training for a half-marathon (which I completed
June 4th in San Diego – running with Team
in Training in support of the Leukemia & Lymphoma
Society) and during this morning run in Albuquerque
I felt that my mom was with me. In this spiritual
experience she was small, like a doll, riding on
my back as I ran towards the mountains. I sensed
around us loved ones who had died cheering and
encouraging my mother. They were waiting for her
to join them in the presence of God. It was real
and powerful and as I shared the experience to
my mom with tears running down my face she suddenly
sat up in bed and began praising God and quoting
scripture. My dad, Tom (I’m named for him,
just as he was named after his father), noted that
my story allowed Mom to minister to me! Now is
that not evidence of God working through His children?
Our week was long and emotionally draining in Kansas
City over those final days of Mom’s earthly
life. We’d gathered around her bed a few
times to sing, pray and say goodbye, but God’s
time was not meeting our human expectations. Mom
and Dad’s 55th wedding anniversary was June
14th and she lived through it despite our belief
she wouldn’t. We had a grand dinner in her
honor. The next day her breathing was shallower
and raspy and surely that morning she would pass.
No, she kept on. By noon Dad suggested we might
all leave for a while. Maybe Mom needed time alone.
Coincidences — God Acting Anonymously
Coincidentally at that time my sister got a call
that her daughter Kelsey was in a car accident.
Nothing major, but she had to go to the hospital
to be checked out. Doug and Leslie went to the
emergency room for a few hours. I went out and
ran a couple of errands. When I returned to Mom’s
room she seemed even closer to departing. Dad
came in from outside where he’d been fixing
the American Flag. It had mysteriously come loose
from the rings holding it to the pole and slid
to half-mast. Doug and Leslie returned and they
all walked into the room where I was sitting next
to Mom, along with dear friends Will and Carol
Evans. And mom took her last breath. The time was
just after four in the afternoon, 1614 military
time -- 6-14, my parent’s wedding date, the
one for the next day.
The next days were hard, but our family was together
doing what needed to be done and we had a beautiful
funeral service. I miss my Mom, but I know in my
heart that she has given us a great gift in her
death with humility and dignity. She really let
go with grace.
|
Tom Gilbert's
mother, Jeanne B. Gilbert, passed away on
June 15, 2006. Her obituary is available
online from the Kansas City Star - here.
|
Scripture taken
from the Holy Bible, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®.Copyright © 1973,
1978, 1984 International Bible Society. All rights
reserved throughout the world. Used by permission
of International Bible Society.
NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION® and NIV® are registered
trademarks of International Bible Society. Use of either trademark
for the offering of goods or services requires the prior written
consent of International Bible Society.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible,
New Living Translation, copyright ©1996. Used by permission
of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, IL 60189, USA.
All rights reserved.
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
You'll also receive Practical
Biblical Solutions for life's challenges with our
free e-zine
|
| |
 |
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
|
PROVERBS
31:29-30
|
|
|
"Many
women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD
is to be praised.
|
|
(NIV)
|
|
|
| |
|
|
Recommended
Reading
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
| |
|
| |
|
|
|
|
 |
